being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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