We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
