He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
