he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
