He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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