I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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