I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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