can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
