addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
