dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
