what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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