who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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