You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
