you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
