when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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