barbara walters just said penis...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
