Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
