I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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