Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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