Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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