Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
