nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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