I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
