I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
