Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
