come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
