uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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