Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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