I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize