I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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