So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
