I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
