That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
