the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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