i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
