He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
