I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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