i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
