Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
