i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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