If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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