Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
