Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
