even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
