Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I lost the right to judge tonight
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