Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
