Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

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  (417): No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times. http://tfl.nu/xlrm
  Replies (6) Good night (1443) Bad night (541)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.

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  (608): i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross. http://tfl.nu/qmd2
  Replies (19) Good night (713) Bad night (2973)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.

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  (305): I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see. http://tfl.nu/wyhs
  Replies (30) Good night (839) Bad night (3326)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.

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  (812): There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better. http://tfl.nu/hacu
  Replies (11) Good night (2619) Bad night (1223)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I'M GETTING MARRIED!

  (512): View more from Texas

  YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!

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  (254): I'M GETTING MARRIED! (512): YOU'RE STILL MARRIED! http://tfl.nu/48vu
  Replies (38) Good night (4629) Bad night (2465)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.

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  (304): She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/p490
  Replies (30) Good night (5678) Bad night (1553)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

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  (954): I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day. http://tfl.nu/gtxx
  Replies (13) Good night (5355) Bad night (1092)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...

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  (615): To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels... http://tfl.nu/f4i6
  Replies (7) Good night (3301) Bad night (916)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.

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  (630): Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad. http://tfl.nu/cvju
  Replies (2) Good night (1007) Bad night (1820)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

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  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (2058) Bad night (929)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

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  (814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj
  Replies (19) Good night (6556) Bad night (1154)
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  (310): View more from California

  I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"

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  (310): I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me" http://tfl.nu/p6et
  Replies (8) Good night (1745) Bad night (654)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you

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  (502): I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you http://tfl.nu/6iu1
  Replies (3) Good night (977) Bad night (423)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.

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  (925): I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time. http://tfl.nu/8l0a
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (368)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol

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  (702): I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol http://tfl.nu/mejo
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (556)

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