I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize