i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?