so explain again why im purple
no
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
