I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.