I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Can Purell be used as lube?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
