please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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