i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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