Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
