You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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