she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
