the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
