CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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