If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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