Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
birth control should be required to get into college
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
