Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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