You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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