im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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