So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
