Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
