apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
