We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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