someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
