Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
