It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
