Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
