You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
