That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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