I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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