I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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