READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
