shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
