The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
