i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
